~~~ +place of refuge+ ~~~

Thursday, November 11, 2004

farewell, place of refuge

this is probably gonna be my last entry here.. but i'm not deleting this blog, no way. there are so many memories... *cry... hehe, jowk! pero seriously, i worked hard on this blog's layout too..

here's my new address:

http://black-petals.blogspot.com/

check it out as soon as possible.. so, there.. bye, blog! hehe. i'ma miss you. anyhoo, be prepared coz you're gonna see an even BLACKER blog from now on. heehee. alryty, that's about it...byeee!!!

Posted at 12:57 pm by johanna017
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

new blog

yea, i have a new blog and it took me HOURS to make the layout. 7 hours altogether. haay. it's my first time to use blogspot... grabe, hirap! i'm not yet ready to abandon this blog tho... perhaps i'll do that after i make my first entry in there. in the meantime, it's just me and my good 'ol place of refuge. heehee.

Posted at 02:38 pm by johanna017
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Monday, November 08, 2004

check this out, y'all!

i'm banned from using the internet, but since nobody's home and i'm hella bored...heehee...i still did what's forbidden. nasty little bitch. lol. so here, i just woke up and i thought of checking on what's going on with with an old friend of mine...i found this poem in jay's blog, and i cried the first time i read it. i hope you take time to read it as well. it's absolutely...perfect. naxx.. anyway, seriously, after reading it, i was in tears! but i was like, "what was it about again?".. heehee.. "never mind, i'll post it anyway." haha. funny. now i'm laughing at myself. weird but happy...i like myself that way. anyho0,, enough of the yapping. here it is...

i have seen you..
when your smiles and frowns
were so tied up and intermingled
that none -- not even you..
could have said with any sureness
what face you were giving to the crowd...

i have walked with you to subways,
then twenty minutes later
i have been with someone else
and never loved you less...

i have spied on you and looked accusingly,
when i, myself, knew well
that i was in the wrong...

i have wept for you..
about you..
and one time with you.
i have shared your secrets
and kept private secrets of my own...

i have fought with you..
and over you..
loved you and disliked you..
in equal parts and at the same time...

i have thought that i would die
if you failed to turn up on some pre-selected night
and when you didn't --
wished i would...

i have loved you..
never asking if i should.
i have trusted you..
not caring if i could or couldn't.

in company with strangers or friends,
i have smiled and gone on smiling
when i thought no single smile or grin
was left inside me...

"if we were unhappy with one the other
why shouldn't it be
just our concern?"

i have watched you play
with other people's children
and felt they were our own...

i've heard you hum
some made-up tune at breakfast
and watched you killing time all day
while you awaited killing me at night...

i have lied to you..
for no good reason.
i have troubled you..
and even when i knew it,
sometimes that didn't make me stop...

the things we do in love's name
never stop suprising me.

i'm amazed that love can live at all
through the subterfuge,
pass through all the barricades,
stumble over all the obstacles
we construct and put up in its way...

that first seed wherever planted
must have been a hearty strain.

just now,
what kind of passion stirs inside me
i cannot say.

i feel for you..
and it's as much as love..
but whether it's because i feel you leaving..
slipping from me day by day..
or because i need..
depend on..
want just you..
i have no way of knowing.

our lives together have become so knotted..
moddled up that who's to say
where the heart ended..
and habit started in to open up?

i love you.. -- yes.
but i don't mean for you to know it.

Posted at 08:10 am by johanna017
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Friday, November 05, 2004

realizations

okay.. i've been reading my old (coffeemates) blog just now and i was not so pleased to realize that i actually write better before than now. it's awful, because instead of improving, my writing skills are going the other way around. damn, i really have to stay in touch with my vocab... more frequent opening of the dictionary would perhaps help. from now on, i'm banning myself from speaking in tagalog in any of my entries. shit. i mean, what the hell happened to me? i'm not only talking about writing, i'm also referring to my mood in general, and my way of relating to everyone. before, (based on my previous blog), i used to be this perky, cheerful dude. now, i'm getting more and more boring every minute! (heehee. as if there was ever a moment when i actually *wasn't* boring..). so basically, i've turned into nothing more than an idiot.

oh barf. it's card distribution day tomorrow. as much as possible, i don't want to dwell on it, but my paranoid nature makes it a bit hard to ignore. wish me luck,...

Posted at 10:08 pm by johanna017
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Thursday, November 04, 2004

S.T.R.E.S.S.

yup, everybody's been feeling this 5-letter word lately. fuck geom. fuck THE. fuck all subjects. heehee.

my eyes feel SOOO heavy. pucha, siguro by the time i'm 30, mukha na kong lola dahil sa ubod ng daming wrinkles at linya sa mukha.

Posted at 08:50 pm by johanna017
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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

let them know~~

i want you all to read all about my shame, because i want to show her that i don't do what she thinks i do--that i go flaunting to everyone that she's had a crush on me, or that she had liked me or whatever. i tell people FACTS, my dear. FACTS...EVENTS, for crying out loud! i don't meddle with what you felt, or if what you felt was or WASn't true. Now you tell me na "naaliw ka lang" non, fine, i won't argue with that, e kung yun ba naman tlga ung 2too eh, anong magagawa ko, db? pwede mong sabihing joke lang un, or "naaliw" ka lang kya mo nagawa yun, khit anong rason pwede mong sabihin pero hindi mo pwedeng ideny ang EVENTS. na sinabi mo,
"...di ko na kyang magpgil ng feelings..tuwing nakakatext, nkakausap or nakakasama kita, d feeling's getting strongr. mahirap, dko na tlga kaya. nung sinabi mong, "one minute you're here, next you're not", alam ko un...pg pnipigilan ko, dun ako ngiging masungit syo. mtgal ko na ring tinatago pero naghihintay lang ako ng ryt time..nd i think e2 n un. haay.."
pwede mong sabihing joke yan o khit ano, pero hindi mo pwedeng ipag-dukdukan sakin na HINDI MO YAN SINABI. di mo ren pwedeng sabihin na na-misinterpret ko yan, dhil putangina, WHAT'S THERE TO MISINTERPRET?? it's SO god damn CLEAR!!! putangina! naiintindihan mo ba ako? kasi akala mo ako ang nakakamisinterpret, e ang totoo, IKAW yon! putangina, i don't make up stories. hindi ako gnon. SHER, HINDI AKO ILUSYONADA. tanga ako, kasi ginagago mo na nga ako, hindi ko pa nakikita. NAAALIW KA LANG PLA SAKIN, NANIWALA PA KO SAYO. tas what are you claiming? na lagi nalang, ikaw ang madumi, ako ang malinis? SHER, AKO ang MADUMI! ako ung kahiya-hiya, hindi ikaw! hanggang ngayon, ako pa rin ung nakakahiya, lalo na't pinagmumukha mo pa akong gago...na ilusyonada. ako yung madumi, ikaw, malinis. ipapakita ko pa sa kanilang lahat ang kahihiyan ko. at ang mali mo.

coffee17adik:oi. musta?
sher zoleta: ok lng..
coffee17adik: after 10 years...naisipan mo nang magreply.
coffee17adik: through ym nga lang.
sher zoleta: my gngwa aq
sher zoleta: duh
coffee17adik: ah,, oo nga. i didn't see the busy icon..
coffee17adik: duh
sher zoleta: tsss
coffee17adik: uhm.. nag-aaway ba tyo o ano?
sher zoleta: ewan
coffee17adik: bat ba kailangang magalet?
coffee17adik: ano, 'ewan' na nman?
sher zoleta: naiinis ako eh
coffee17adik: sakin?
coffee17adik: mlamang
sher zoleta: malay
coffee17adik: ...
coffee17adik: alam mo, sabihin mo nlang kaya...
coffee17adik: lahat ng galit mo, now na.
sher zoleta: hndi mo lang maiintindihan
sher zoleta: baka mamisinterpret mo pa
sher zoleta: at sabihin mo pa sa lahat ng tao
sher zoleta: ikaw ang tama
sher zoleta: ako ang mali
sher zoleta: malinis ka
sher zoleta: ako marumi
sher zoleta: ewan
sher zoleta: dont ask
sher zoleta: dont text
coffee17adik: hindi naman eh..
coffee17adik: go, ngayon nah..
coffee17adik: wla akong sasabihin,
coffee17adik: makikinig lang ako.
coffee17adik: sasabihin ko lang, 'ok'...tas un lang, la nang iba..
coffee17adik: swear.
sher zoleta: demanding
sher zoleta: mashado kang mapilit sa gusto mo
sher zoleta: ewan ko
sher zoleta: hndi ko type ugali mo
sher zoleta: naaliw lang ako sayo
sher zoleta: hndi kita naging cruch o kung ano man
coffee17adik: *crush
sher zoleta: hndi kita naging CRUSH o kung ano man ang inicp mong naramdaman ko na hndi nman
sher zoleta: ayoko talaga ugali mo
sher zoleta: un na un
coffee17adik: aok..
coffee17adik: alam ko nman un eh
sher zoleta: un nman pla eh
sher zoleta: bat mo pa tinanong
sher zoleta: tsss
coffee17adik: hindi ko naman un pinamumukha sa lahat ng tao
sher zoleta: tsss
sher zoleta: mukang lhat ng tao alam
sher zoleta: tss
coffee17adik: di ko tinanong, sbi ko sabihin mo lang lahat ng nasa isip mo.
sher zoleta: tsss tlga
sher zoleta: nakakagigil
sher zoleta: !!!!
coffee17adik: sinasabi ko lang ung nangyari.
coffee17adik: di ko pinamumukha
sher zoleta: tol, ganon din un
coffee17adik: na nagkagusto ka sakin
coffee17adik: o nagkacrush ka.
coffee17adik: f*ck, i hate the term.
sher zoleta: tsss..
sher zoleta: wag mo na kong itext
sher zoleta: o ichat
sher zoleta: tapos na lahat
coffee17adik: tagal na.
coffee17adik: ako lang nman ung nagpipilit eh
sher zoleta: so ano ung tntext mo?..
sher zoleta: tsss..
sher zoleta: mtagal na pla eh
coffee17adik: tnext na ano?
sher zoleta: sabihin mo yan sa sarili m0
coffee17adik: araw araw ko nang ginagawa un.
coffee17adik: alam mo, wla akong pinamumukha sa mga tao.
sher zoleta: oo na
sher zoleta: oo na
coffee17adik: kung ginawa mo, ginawa mo. panindigan mo un.
coffee17adik: gets mu b?
sher zoleta: oo na
sher zoleta: oo na
coffee17adik: wag mong ideny na wlng nangyari... sabihin mo na lang, totoong ginawa mo un,, pero u didn't really mean it.
coffee17adik: un nman ung totoo, db?
sher zoleta: ewan
coffee17adik: na naaliw ka lang.
sher zoleta: tapos na 2ng conversation na 2..
sher zoleta: wla aqng idedeny dahil wala nman talagang nangyari eh
sher zoleta: nilalagyan mo lng ng meaning ang lhat
sher zoleta: tapos na 2..

Posted at 08:48 pm by johanna017
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Sunday, October 31, 2004

blank.blank.blank.

i want to write something today, like a poem or anything with sense, but nothing interesting's on my mind lately. just FOOD, lots of FOOD. argh, i gotta start losing weight by now. tsk2. i'm not even in the mood for a conversation with anyone, which i find VERY UNLIKELY, since i always enjoy talking when i'm bored.

hmm. i'm getting tired of this blog...the layout, the colors and everything. guess im gonna have to start changing stuff here soon. but i won't abandon it yet--i'll probably do that at the end of the year.

haay... if laziness is a sin, i would've been burning in hell by now. all i do is eat, watch tv, eat, chat, sleep, and yes, EAT again. *sigh. boredom kills me.

~plus there's this person who sends some uninteresting quote that's not even worth reading. i mean, what's this, is this supposed to be funny? hahaha. there, i laughed. i hope you realize that it's of absolute sarcasm. there would probably be chances of my finding it cute, but that's if i WERE ANOTHER PERSON. but mind you, sweetie, I'M NOT. you should be aware that it's quite ODD to send a serious, problematic, ill-natured person like me one of your lame jokes. SHALLOW jokes, i might add. i probably would've overlooked it, but the fact that it's the ONLY text i received from you in a while and it's not even worth reading disappoints me. see, it's one of the few things left that i liked about you..that you're a deeper, and more sensitive being than the rest of the average people around us. for a while there i thought i changed you somehow into someone better..because that's what you said, right? but NO. you became much worse. i don't know you anymore. i don't even know why i'm still staying for someone na hindi ko na kilala. on the other hand, this could be an advantage.. malay mo makalimutan na kita dhil dito, db? edi masaya...

Posted at 12:24 pm by johanna017
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LANEL!!!

birthday ni lanelerz!!! yipee!!! hehe. bandmate ko yan!!!!

hmm...bat prang mejo iba ung mukha mo dito?? hehe. dbale na nga. nwae,, happy birthday, dear!! basta tandaan mo, andameng nagmamahal sayo..madaming nagpapasalamat sa Diyos na andito ka, at isa na rin ako dun!!! hehe. basta ah..ung band ntin, don't forget, k? kalimutan na natin ang *playmode*... may bago na tyong banda!!! buti nlang, noh? hehe. o cge na..enjoy your day, tas wag mong kalimutang mag-pray lagi.. chaka wag mong sasabihing wala kang family, kse alam mo nmang andito lang kme.. ayt?? cge. HAPI BDAY!! labyu!! God bless!!

Posted at 10:47 pm by johanna017
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Monday, October 25, 2004

Rosencrantz~~

the open jam thing... i was shocked with how the other performers played. they were like.. ohmy. scary. we're ten miles below them. heehee. it was a good start for us, though.. i mean, everybody starts with failures. first of all, how can you expect a *whoa* performance from a band that crammed for less than one week for practices, whose instrumentalists don't really HAVE their own instruments, and whose vocalists both don't have voices because of practicing too much? tss. i'd like to thank our friends and classmates who totally supported us, despite all these inconveniences. you guys are SOOO sweet, salamat talaga. And to God,, grabe, his 'purpose' is slowly unfolding... now i understand why He put us all together in one classroom, why He gave us, mere amateurs, this chance to perform along with professional bands...why He suddenly sent an AWESOME drummer (errol) to help us, and why He let us fail and be slightly unappreciated and criticized by other people and ourselves...i think it's a motivation for the band to work harder and actually AIM for something. gaya ng sabi ni joti,, itutuloy na namin toh!!! hehe. i'm really glad that this came to be. swear!!! sobrang hindi ako nagsisisi. dream pa nmin toh ni lanel, matagal na!!! and it seems that we found the perfect people who share the same dream.

at ikaw...hanep ka ah. mei roses pang nalalaman para sa kanya.
eh,,, wlalang. aus lang..gnon tlga eh, can't do anything bout that.

basta ang narealize ko,, di na kita kilala. ibang-iba ka na.

that's good..malay mo dhil dun, makalimutan na kita eventually..
di ko lang alam kung kelan un..
pero as of now,, wlalang...masakit, shempre.. pero
la na akong magagawa.
natanggap ko na yun, don't worry.

Posted at 12:56 pm by johanna017
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

DbeSt si God!!!

grabe, iba tong araw na toh. iba!!! yey. nagrant ung prayer nmin!!! whoa. mtagal-tagal rin nming hinintay at pinagdasal yan noh. (it was worth the wait). kso kawawa kme ksi di kmi makapagpractice..kakulangan sa instruments..tas bwl makipractice sa music room kc ginagamit din ng MAC instrumentalists pra sa practices nila. kaya tomorrow, sa studio nlang. and the day after that. basta, tuloy-tuloy na gnun. hirap noh? pero k lang, nagawa na ni God ung lahat, so kme nman bhala sa iba. Lord, para sayo toh!!! buti nlang pumayag tatay ko dun sa practice2 n yan.

~ at sayo.. papanoorin kita ah.. sa friday, 12 to 2...db?
good luck!!!.. *hug kht ayaw mo*..
sana panoorin mo rin ung amin...

Posted at 10:44 pm by johanna017
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